Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Dreaming of Andrew

I had my first real dream about Andrew two nights ago.
It was the sweetest and most peaceful dream ever.
He was riding in his carseat and was just mesmerized by his big sisters.
They were reading to him and talking.
I could see his bright eyes in the rear view mirror taking in absolutely everything!!

Then, last night marked a sleepless night.
I am sure one of many to come. lol
I wasn't nervous, scared, wondering what the future holds nor had
a million and one things going through my mind!
I can't even describe it.
Just up waiting.
Thinking about my boy that is waiting to come home to
his mama, daddy, sisters, family and friends soon.

Wondering what it will feel like to hold him in my arms for the 1st time.
Thinking of smelling his little head and kissing his little face and hands.

The time is here.
We are so ready.

I was in a staff meeting today and they prayed over me for the upcoming trip and welcoming Andrew into our home.
Praying for our family....each and every one of us.
It will change our lives.
It will bring us much joy.
God has it all orchestrated and will be with us each step of the way.

Hoping those sweet dreams with glimpses of our little guy continue.



Monday, January 24, 2011

Fun in the Snow


Oh my, have we had snow!
It has been so much fun playing outside with the girls.
We have done something new this year.
Kinda spur of the moment but it has been fun.

In the evening after dinner and when Steve needs to shovel the drive and walkways,
we all suit up and go outside to play.
It has been really fun!



Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Class B Waiver and Another Thought

We are getting closer.
He had his visa medical checkup!
Wahoo!
That is why we received the Class B Waiver from our agency.
What is a Class B Waiver?
It is a document that states any of Andrew's medical conditions or concerns.
Today our agency received the Class B Waiver that we
were to sign, notarize and send back to them so they can send it on to Korea.
Our social worker said it would be in Korea tomorrow! Yay!


When we accepted Andrew's file as a waiting child we knew he had some special needs.

The main reason he was considered to be a waiting child is because he was such a preemie.

He was born at 24 weeks and weighed only 1.5lbs and was 11.2 in long.
That is so hard to believe isn't it?

He has continually done great on the developmental side of things but is just not growing.
So that is really the biggest concern right now and was
one of the things documented on the waiver.
He was released from the hospital at 4 months of age and weighed 5.1 lbs and was 17.5 in long.
Currently he is 17.4 lbs and 28.7 in.


He has been a fighter all along and God has totally sustained him
and has an incredible plan for his life.
Steve and I pray that he will do mighty things for the Kingdom.
He has a story just like each of us and he can use that to bring glory to God.

So many adoption friends of ours got Travel Calls
TODAY.
and
Many others got EP approvals TODAY ...meaning they are next in line to get Travel Calls.

As time is getting closer I think about the bonding and connection with Andrew.
I am so ready to hold my little guy and cuddle him, yet know he is not going to be ready to cuddle me.
I am a stranger.
Taking him from his only "Omma"/mama he loves so dearly.

There is a story I pulled from a great website on attachment that really uses a great analogy.
Some of the same feelings will be had by Andrew even though he is so small.
I would like to share that with you all.
It is long but so worth the read.



Imagine for a moment…

You have met the person you've dreamed about all your life. He has every quality that you desire in a spouse. You plan for the wedding, enjoying every free moment with your fiancée. You love his touch, his smell, the way he looks into your eyes. For the first time in your life, you understand what is meant by "soul mate," for this person understands you in a way that no one else does. Your heart beats in rhythm with his. Your emotions are intimately tied to his every joy, his every sorrow.

The wedding comes. It is a happy celebration, but the best part is that you are finally the wife of this wonderful man. You fall asleep that night, exhausted from the day's events, but relaxed and joyful in the knowledge that you are next to the person who loves you more than anyone in the world…the person who will be with you for the rest of your life.

The next morning you wake up, nestled in your partner's arms. You open your eyes and immediately look for his face.

But IT'S NOT HIM! You are in the arms of another man. You recoil in horror. Who is this man? Where is your beloved?

You ask questions of the new man, but it quickly becomes apparent that he doesn't understand you. You search every room in the house, calling and calling for your husband. The new guy follows you around, trying to hug you, pat you on the back,...even trying to stroke your arm, acting like everything is okay.

But you know that nothing is okay. Your beloved is gone. Where is he? Will he return? When? What has happened to him?

Weeks pass. You cry and cry over the loss of your beloved. Sometimes you ache silently, in shock over what has happened. The new guy tries to comfort you. You appreciate his attempts, but he doesn't speak your language-either verbally or emotionally. He doesn't seem to realize the terrible thing that has happened...that your sweetheart is gone.

You find it difficult to sleep. The new guy tries to comfort you at bedtime with soft words and gentle touches, but you avoid him, preferring to sleep alone, away from him and any intimate words or contact.

Months later, you still ache for your beloved, but gradually you are learning to trust this new guy. He's finally learned that you like your coffee black, not doctored up with cream and sugar. Although you still don't understand his bedtime songs, you like the lilt of his voice and take some comfort in it.

More time passes. One morning, you wake up to find a full suitcase sitting next to the front door. You try to ask him about it, but he just takes you by the hand and leads you to the car. You drive and drive and drive. Nothing is familiar. Where are you? Where is he taking you?

You pull up to a large building. He leads you to an elevator and up to a room filled with people. Many are crying. Some are ecstatic with joy. You are confused. And worried.

The man leads you over to the corner. Another man opens his arms and sweeps you up in an embrace. He rubs your back and kisses your cheeks, obviously thrilled to see you.

You are anything but thrilled to see him. Who in the world is he? Where is your beloved? You reach for the man who brought you, but he just smiles (although he seems to be tearing up, which concerns you), pats you on the back, and puts your hand in the hands of the new guy. The new guy picks up your suitcase and leads you to the door. The familiar face starts openly crying, waving and waving as the elevator doors close on you and the new guy.

The new guy drives you to an airport and you follow him, not knowing what else to do. Sometimes you cry, but then the new guy tries to make you smile, so you grin back, wanting to "get along." You board a plane. The flight is long. You sleep a lot, wanting to mentally escape from the situation.

Hours later, the plane touches down. The new guy is very excited and leads you into the airport where dozens of people are there to greet you. Light bulbs flash as your photo is taken again and again. The new guy takes you to another guy who hugs you. Who is this one? You smile at him. Then you are taken to another man who pats your back and kisses your cheek. Then yet another fellow gives you a big hug and messes your hair.

Finally, someone (which guy is this?) pulls you into his arms with the biggest hug you've ever had. He kisses you all over your cheeks and croons to you in some language you've never heard before.

He leads you to a car and drives you to another location. Everything here looks different. The climate is not what you're used to. The smells are strange. Nothing tastes familiar, except for the black coffee. You wonder if someone told him that you like your coffee black.

You find it nearly impossible to sleep. Sometimes you lie in bed for hours, staring into the blackness, furious with your husband for leaving you, yet aching from the loss. The new guy checks on you. He seems concerned and tries to comfort you with soft words and a mug of warm milk. You turn away, pretending to go to asleep.

People come to the house. You can feel the anxiety start to bubble over as you look into the faces of all the new people. You tightly grasp the new guy's hand. He pulls you closer. People smile and nudge one other, marveling at how quickly you've fallen in love. Strangers reach for you, wanting to be a part of the happiness.

Each time a man hugs you, you wonder if he will be the one to take you away. Just in case, you keep your suitcase packed and ready. Although the man at this house is nice and you're hanging on for dear life, you've learned from experience that men come and go, so you just wait in expectation for the next one to come along.

Each morning, the new guy hands you a cup of coffee and looks at you expectantly. A couple of times the pain and anger for your husband is so great that you lash out, sending hot coffee across the room, causing the new guy to yelp in pain. He just looks at you, bewildered. But most of the time you calmly take the cup. You give him a smile. And wait. And wait. And wait.

--Written by Cynthia Hockman-Chupp, analogy courtesy of Dr. Kali Miller


Please continue to pray for our family and

Andrew as we anticipate his arrival into our family.

Please pray for attachment and all aspects of his grieving.

Please pray for God to give us strength, wisdom, understanding, and perseverance.







Thursday, January 6, 2011

Movement

Can I just say we are feeling the move?
I called our agency yesterday and our social worker said she was getting ready to call me.
I was on the edge of my seat.
You see, the first batch of EP's..(aka Emigration Permission) for 2011 was issued this week!

Well, Andrew is not in the 1st batch BUT she said he will be in the 2nd batch which will be submitted toward the end of January or 1st of February.
So you ask, "What does this mean?"
Let me tell ya!

That means we are only a couple of months away from stepping on the soil of South Korea to bring our sweet boy home to us!!

She told us after he is submitted then it will be between 3-6 weeks until travel call!!!!!!
She said it could be on the lower end or it could be 6 weeks.
They just don't know yet.

Then, when we receive travel call,
WE ARE BOOKING OUR FLIGHT ASAP TO SEOUL!!!!!!

When I told the kiddos when they came home from school
today it was so precious to see their expressions!
Complete AWE and excitement.
Wish I could have captured that on video!


Is that exciting news or what?

The nesting has set in!
I have been on this mission to really purge and get things "tidied" up but now it is ON!

So much to do!

We are super ready.

Andrew's car seat arrived today!
Love it but feel like I need a PhD to figure out how to install it!
I told Steve that is so his department!

Oh, remember the little girl in the same home as Andrew?
Her mama got the call yesterday that Emi was submitted for EP.
She will be on her way to Seoul in 4-6 weeks!
AND
She is taking a care package I am sending her to Andrew.
AND
She is going to take pictures and videos of Andrew!!!

This mama will be stalking the computer in the middle of the night on that day!
If you want to follow her blog as well here it is

Another one of my AP friends
is in Seoul right now
and she posted this scripture on her facebook status this week.

O LORD, you are my God; I will exalt you and praise your name, for in perfect faithfulness you have done marvelous things, things planned long ago.
-Isaiah 25:1

It really resonated something in me.
God has had this planned for Andrew to be in our family.
He always knew!
When Andrew's birth mom had him,
God knew just who would be Andrew's forever family.

This is all in His perfect timing.
There will be MOVEMENT when He plans there to be.

When I see it that way, the wait is so much easier and more peaceful.



Saturday, January 1, 2011

Another Year to Go Where God Takes Us

2011 is going to be a wonderful year!
Absolutely!

Will there be trials, uncertainty, heartache, and all the things that are involved while we are on this Earth?
Sure!

We were stirred somewhat a few weeks ago with some of the unknowns with Andrew's size, his extreme prematurity, and just not having him in our arms yet.
I have to say the big ugly FEAR word rared its head!

As I turned on the computer that day I pulled up our blog and BOOM!
What was the scripture staring at me?

"I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11


Yes, that is it!!
God's hand is with us at all times.
Even when things are rough.
He will guide us and provide us with the strength we need in this amazing journey He is taking us on. He has a plan and we want to follow and walk in the light we are shown.

So, as we start this year we are so eager to get the travel call!
We have a son waiting for us!



I pray his foster mom is showing him our pictures and telling him who we each are and that we are coming for him very soon.
I pray that God is preparing his heart for his mama and daddy and siblings.
I pray for his birth country and that there will be peace between the North and South.
I pray that our family and friends will embrace our decision and support us.
I pray for Andrew's attachment to us
I pray for his grieving he will go through for everything he has ever known.
I pray for God to show us each day what He wants for our lives and that we will walk in His will obediently.

So as 2010 has wrapped up and 2011 is here, we are ready to see where God takes us.
Korea, we know that you are one place God is taking us this year!
WOOHOO!!